Tyrion and Melisandre meet-cute and become the Lord & Lady of the Others. after much discussion, they decide that they're totally over Westeros and fly off to have their own adventures in a place that is less anti-jester, anti-wolf, and anti-Theon. the Three Heads of the Dragon turn out to be Theon, Patchface, and Nymeria.
he and his equally undead mother Lady Stoneheart (who turns out to be his real mother - surprise, he's legitimate!) form an unholy alliance to kill as many living beings as they can. Jon Snow returns from the dead as Lord Stoneballs. wait, who's Aegon? anyway, Aegon kills Arya and then moves to Dorne where he marries all of the Sand Snakes. Arya kills Sam cause all she wants to do is kill kill kill and Sam is just standing there looking like a victim. Sam accidentally kills Varys cause he's such a butterfingers. Varys revives Oberyn who kills Gregor Clegane, again. Brienne accidentally kills Sansa, whoops. turns out she's a great mom and that no-children prophecy was some bullshit! Dany decides to give up her hollow ambitions to conquer Westeros so she can settle down and make lots of babies with Daario in a small village just outside of Asshai-by-the-Shadow. so in case apocalyptic events disallow the publication of this and future volumes, here's what he has in store for the remainder of A Song of Ice and Fire. Just in case i don't make it, i feel it is my civic duty to share the secrets i've learned while enjoying a private all-you-can-eat steak & lobster buffet luncheon with GRRM. This is mark monday reporting live from the Mayan Apocalypse! zombies & cannibals & christmas shoppers everywhere! i'm not sure if i'll last through the night! all i'm asking is that you seriously consider these factors while working out your publication timetable. Now don't you want folks to read The Winds of Winter before they have to start dealing with all the stressors that will naturally come with a zombie apocalypse? mid- or even post-zombie apocalypse, your readers may not be able to give the novel the undivided attention it deserves. personally, i predict a zombie apocalypse due to the radiation off a stray comet swinging too close to our earth. this year! at least according to some minor citation in the Mayan calendar. she's really too good for that cirque du soleil pirate-clown.ģ) so apparently the world as we know it is supposed to end on December 21st. enough!Ģ) get Daenerys the fuck out of Meereen! like permanently! and while you're at it, it would be great if Daario was out of Daenerys too. pretty please:ġ) enough with " WORDS ARE WIND". Okay, just three little favors George R.R. this year! at least according to some minor citation in the Maya 3) so apparently the world as we know it is supposed to end on December 21st. she's really too good for that cirque du soleil pirate-clown. enough! 2) get Daenerys the fuck out of Meereen! like permanently! and while you're at it, it would be great if Daario was out of Daenerys too. pretty please: 1) enough with " WORDS ARE WIND". okay, just three little favors George R.R. This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers.
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